You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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