I got chris browned last night
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
