We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
