Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
