DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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