I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
