She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
