My room smells like vodka and shame
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
COCAINE IS GR8
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
