Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
