i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
