Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
