non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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