got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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