All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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