I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
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