I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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