the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
