How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
