i just wanna soil my oats bro
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
