I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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