we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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