Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
