Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
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