No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
