Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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