I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I stole a fireplace last night.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
