just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
