ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
