I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
