yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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