Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
