you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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