Ambien. No doubt about it.
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
