I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
