Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Dick very happy bro
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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