i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
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I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
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You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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