ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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