I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
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