I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
