Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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