I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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