seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
