the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
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If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead