I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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