Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
