Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
