lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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