I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
