the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just cut my nipple shaving
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
