you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
