he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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