You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
