when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
