Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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