People with herpes should wear stickers.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
