thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
