i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
