im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
