I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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