would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
