Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
