I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
