somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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