I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
