I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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