I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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