she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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