DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
