WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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