currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
