May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
