I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
