Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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