I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
