so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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